What happens when your child starts engaging in enemy thinking?
According to Dr. Kennedy-Moore and McLaughlin, authors of Growing Feelings, Enemy thinking is a mindset where individuals spend a lot of energy thinking, watching, judging, and even plotting against someone they strongly dislike.
In this blog post, we will provide parents with resources from Experts Dr. Kennedy-Moore and McLaughlin on how to help children overcome enemy thinking.
Signs of Enemy Thinking
Some common signs of this kind of thinking are:
⦿Feeling irritated. It’s low-level anger because someone or something is just bothering us. In other words, a child feels miffed about another child’s behavior or situation.
Additionally, the enemy mindset adds feeling mean to the equation.
⦿Feeling mean. A kid wants to harm or retaliate against another kid. For instance, saying mean things about the other kid.
Usually, there’s a history behind children’s behavior, for example, a friendship breakup. However, if it is not appropriately addressed, it can build up.
Although engaging in enemy thinking can be fun and offer kids something to speak about, it has a detrimental effect on children’s life.
The Impact of Enemy Thinking
Enemy thinking has effects on people’s life from childhood to adulthood. It’s not treating ourselves with kindness to start with.
First of all, it perpetuates kids’ resentment. Situations become worse if tension rises.
Furthermore, teasing other children won’t lead to genuine friendships. Kids with an enemy mentality will be drawn to your child. There are more effective ways to handle this situation.
Strategies for Ease Away Enemy Thinking ✓
Here are some strategies that help your child overcome enemy thinking:
There is no need to give the other child such a large amount of space if the issue cannot be resolved amicably, such as when a friendship ends. The kid will continue to act out and make the other child seem significant.
➼ Ask the child to cease acting unkind if the kid is. Inform an adult if the other child isn’t ceasing the inappropriate behavior.
➼ Besides that, use the same manners when speaking to the other kid as they would when conversing with someone your kid doesn’t know well.
By focusing on adopting these concepts, your kid will be less likely to adopt enemy thinking:
➊ I’ve moved on. I don’t have to keep thinking and talking about what happened.
➋ I can’t control what this kid does: I can only choose what I do.
➌ I can choose to forgive this kid, even if the child hasn’t apologized, just because I don’t want to keep carrying that anger toward anyone.
➍ I have more interesting things to talk about with my friends than complaining about this kid.
➎ Next year, I probably won’t even remember that this kid did this. It won’t matter.
➏ I don’t like this kid, but I’m a good person, so I’m not going to be mean.
These suggestions are not intended to persuade your child that the other child is wonderful. They aren’t focused on the other kid. These concepts relate to your child’s ideal self-image in the world.
Additional Resources
In addition to her publications, Dr. Kennedy-Moore has produced other excellent resources for parents who wish to learn more about enemy thinking, child development, or parenting:
DrFriendtastic.com (friendship advise for kids)
Growing-friendships (for parents)
Final Thoughts and Inspiration to Heal Enemy Mindset
Enemy thinking is a mindset where people spend a lot of time thinking, watching, and judging someone they strongly dislike, and it can negatively affect children’s emotional and social development.
Common signs of this kind of thinking include feelings of irritation and meanness, which can harm children’s relationships and foster resentment.
However, parents can help their child overcome enemy thinking by utilizing strategies like setting boundaries, forgiveness, asking their child to cease unkind behavior, and focusing on adopting positive thinking habits.
By doing so, children can develop a positive self-image and build healthy relationships with those around them.
Available on: Amazon US | Amazon CA | Amazon UK |
Authors Kennedy-Moore, E, McLaughlin, C.
Growing Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Dealing with Emotions about Friends and Other Kids.
Published by Beyond Words Publishing (July 11, 2023)
ISBN: 978-1-58270-878-2
ARC by Netgalley
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