If you hate social gatherings, do you wonder between giving up and socializing with people you don’t like to be with or being forever alone?
Don’t jump to label yourself as an introvert. There are more than 7 billion people in the world. There has to be someone for you.
You’re getting a silver lining with all the social distancing because of the pandemic. However, it won’t last forever. Also, changing your point of view could be the solution to enjoy social gatherings or make them bearable.
I’m not a psychologist. In this post, I document my experience dealing with social gatherings. Please, if you have this issue and need guidance look for professional advice.
Let’s dive in.
Anyone Else Don’t Like Going Out to Social Events?
You’re not the only one. Most people don’t say it so they don’t get the weirdo look. Also, not to worry people who care about them.
We’re social creatures. We need a balance between “me” time and socializing. So, it’s important for our mental health.
However, if socializing causes more pain than gain, our stress level will go to the roof and our mental and physical health will suffer.
Even literature addressed this topic a long time ago. Andersen wrote The Ugly Duckling in 1843. Somehow somewhere you ended in a group where you don’t feel at ease for different reasons.
- You could be over-sensitive to people’s energy. At social gatherings, people show their best face. However, they don’t leave their misfortunes at home and for sensitive people it’s overwhelming.
- Someone imposed their group on you. So they’re happy socializing and you feel miserable.
- You don’t think it’s possible to meet other people like you to share the same interests.
- You think it’s out of your hands to get a win-win solution to your predicament. So you give up socializing.
You can give many more reasons. Nevertheless, it’s a great time to be alive (even with all that’s going on right now-doesn’t matter when you read this) and get to know and share with your people.
How to Enjoy Social Events
You have to change your point of view to enjoy social events. Socializing is a skill you think isn’t necessary or you think you’re not born for it.
What’s going on?
You’re focused on what you don’t want. You know and justify why you don’t like social gatherings. However, it’s your ideas about your past experiences.
You keep regurgitating in your mind what happened a long time ago so you get more of what you don’t want. Give yourself the opportunity of a new beginning.
There are two ways what we don’t like shows up. Jung called it the shadow.
1. We project something we don’t like about us into other people so we think it doesn’t belong to us.
2. People project something they don’t like in us so they think it doesn’t belong to them.
No matter how this discord expresses in your world, it has the same effect. You choose to avoid human contact as much as possible.
This shadow in you or others will keep showing up until you heal it. Don’t postpone dealing with it.
How?
The best way to enjoy social gatherings is to do it on your own terms. It will change gradually as you change your mindset.
You don’t like the people you have shared in the past and you think you’re an introvert. That doesn’t mean it’s true.
Imagine you’re at a social event and you like the people there. You will enjoy it so much that you’ll drop the introvert label right away.
You have to master how your mind works. Feel free to read this article I wrote about tricking your brain into believing something.
Right now, the pandemic has changed the rhythm of the world for a while. Take this time of social distancing to learn this skill.
**Considering whatever is the new normal from now on.
At first, you’ll feel awkward. You’ll regret being at that gathering instead of being at home. And don’t get me wrong. Sometimes, it’s OK to choose to stay at home.
However, it’s different when you choose to do it because you feel OK going to that event or staying home.
Whatever you entertain in your mind is creating your experiences in life. Tame your self-talk and focus on what you want the outcome to be.
Choose five characteristics the people you like to be with have. You’re so focused on the characteristics of the people you don’t want to be around that your people could be in front of you and you will pass by them.
What you’re experiencing now has to do with your thoughts from the past. Your new thoughts won’t catch up with your new environment right away. It will have a delay time. Be patient.
- Meanwhile, if you don’t like some people you can choose between:
1. Bless them and dismiss the thought.
2. Imagine a scene where everything is harmonious between both of you.
- There are so many things you don’t like about social gatherings. Write them down. Change them to what you like. Give thought and feelings to them.
For example, you don’t like small talk. What do you like? Picture what you like the conversation to be about. How would you feel?
- Learn to set boundaries.
- Learn to say no with kindness.
- Practice self-love.
- Heal your ideas about what you think life is about.
Wrapping up
Focus on what you want. You hate social gatherings because you think you don’t have any power to shape the experience so you can enjoy it.
It’s partially true unless it’s your party. However, you have the power to influence your environment, choose how to react to certain people, learn from your mistakes, and try again.
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